Oh, boy. Here she goes.
Well. Despite what some of you may think, this isn't a post soaked in malicious, petty bitchiness. But it is about
those things. What? One of my favourite topics to discuss if you haven't already noticed. I figure that these things are better expressed rather than kept bottled up. And more often than not, girls (and men) end up agreeing with these thoughts anyway. So let's go ;)
So, I've been in the BBW industry professionally and socially for several years now. The professional aspect has never been a problem for me - but the social
aspect always has. I've spent years trying to be a peaceful part of it, but the truth is that it's never going to be a fully peaceful place. Here's why.
a) The vast majority of the women coming into the community, model or not, comes in and immediately sees these girls flaunting their bodies, getting attention, and thinks "If they can do this, I can too." They then get immediately sucked in and addicted. That's right, addicted. The attention and feelings of want, desire, lust - these are all feelings most of these girls haven't experienced and crave. They crave nothing more than to be the pretty, popular girl who makes the boys swoon. And once they find the community, they get a taste.
b) These girls then base their self esteem/value/worth on this attention they get from the community, so once it starts to plateau or fade a little, they become distressed. They need that fix. And what happens is that they see other women getting the exact same love and attention from the men that are supposed to be giving it to them. Oh, that fucking slut. Oh that fucking bitch.
Since we are a smaller community, people sometimes get "recycled" (although I hate that term) and people will start to talk about other people. Jealousy ensues, and now you are clawing and digging for any piece of information about these girls who are "competition" so that you can feel less threatened, less insecure, and get that high back for yourself.
c) The BBWs and the FAs get greedy. With everyone so willing to fuck this person, give away that picture, gain here, visit there...it becomes this social stew of people and information that's a big load of BS. When you think about it, do any of these people really have anything to do with each other? Do these people really effect your lives in a real way? Or do you let them by inviting it in? You may even be doing it subconsciously.
d) People don't take responsibility for their own actions. So often I see people doing things they don't want "others to know about" - others meaning, the public community. Girl A will tell Girl B about a boy she had sex with to brag. But don't tell anyone!
Girl B then tells Girl C, and so on and so on. But shhh! Keep it on the dl!
Then Girl A finds out people know, and immediately blames Girl B for this mess. Two things here: if your "friend" is going around telling people personal secrets, she's not your friend. And did we ever stop and think that if you don't want a certain reputation, or don't want someone knowing your business...don't do it? I would never do anything I wouldn't own up to or was ashamed of. Anything that I do that "get's out" is my own responsibility, not anyone else's. It's a community just looking for a scapegoat.
(And I play that scapegoat a lot, which I suppose I understand but it's really unfair a lot of the time. Girls enjoy bullying me and trying to bring me down because I hold myself up high a lot of the time - but I think everyone should? I want that for all these girls, for these women (and the men, too!) and I don't believe that having self love is a bad thing. It is a desired, coveted thing and I think perhaps that is why I get the slack that I do.)
e) People know
that they are constantly being judged and watched...that people are always looking for things they can twist and turn into their own benefit. So whenever there is "dirt" on someone else, they jump on it like hotcakes. At least while this drama-focus is on her
, it'll be off me!
You know what the big trick is? Being fake. Honestly. There's such a fear of being "talked about" and having these girls jump onto the "we hate you, Bitch!" wagon that now girls are doing the "be extra sweet and nice to everyone and bitch behind their backs" dance. A lot fo times, girls will do the double-dealing move, where they will appear to befriend you only to get information to bring back to their friends who hate you (for whatever reason).
I hate this shit, ladies. I'm so done. Cut it the fuck out.
It's alright not to agree with someone. We are all working on different vibrations, we have all had different life experiences, are of different levels of intelligence - everything. There's no way that everyone is going to get along and like everyone. But we so all have very similar struggles in common (with weight regarding society and family life, etc) and we also seem to all go through the same shit in this damn community. So when can we start doing something about it?
I don't know how many times I have extended my hand for genuine friendship to these girls. I'm not even looking for best-bitches4ever kind of thing, but hey we can be chills can't we? Man I've been bitten in the ass so many times. Most of these girls just *can't* believe that I'm genuine, because they are all too busy being fake and dealing with this constant fakeness to believe it. Whoa hey...don't be nice and genuine with me...I wouldn't know how to handle that?!
I have just recently gotten rid of some catalyst ties to some negativity coming into my life from community members. I did it for everyone, so that there isn't that door, that window to look into and see what's going on, what can I dig up now? I sincerely, if I don't agree or particularly care for someone, wish them the best and happiness down their own path, and don't see why we can't both live peacefully doing our own thing, and not worrying about each other.
I have gone from dark to light with a few girls in this community though, and I can't express how awesome that feels. I am blessed to have such beautiful, funny and intelligent women in my social scene and will always support them and have patience and understanding for them. I am so grateful to have evolved past negative feeling
s, and I so much love that we can hold each other up instead of struggle.
I love and accept that all people have differences, but I cannot accept you when you're being fake and I can't actually see who you are. I'm an incredibly spiritual person and I have a lot of love to give to women, especially women I can relate to. Hate me - go on 'till it makes you sore. Just know that it's never going to give you more. You'll still be lying on the floor, karma and insecurity keeping you poor. And I'll be the one they all love and adore. Let it go, it's not a chore - finally let some love into your core.